- Pourquoi les femmes Belges, ne changent les couches des Bébés qu'une

fois par mois??? Parce que sur la boite il est écrit : couches pour Bébés

jusqu'à 15KG !!! (de patrice)

* * *

- Why Belgians are always flying wearing sweat shirt ??? because 

    it is written : no smoking !!! (de Ginou)

* * *

- Every body knows, now, than Sarah and Stan are my best teachers about my English classes. 

On day Sarah asked me : " do you speak English better, Patrice ". - " Yes, better, Sarah " J replied. 

She continued : - " J will test your comprehension : make a sentence with these three words : green, pink, yellow. 

J laughed... it 's very easy, Sarah. Here it is : -" the phone Greens, j piNk it up and j say Yellow..." ( 3/11/01 - Patrice )

* * *
- An old man, vacationing in Las Vegas, decides to visit a brothel, as it has been a long time since he's had any. After paying the Madam, he picks out a cute little blonde girl, and they go upstairs.

Ater the preliminaries quickly done due to the price, he climbs on and starts humping away, and hollers out...

- " how am j doing, Honey ? "

She replies, - " About three Nots "

He says, - " three knots ?  What does that mean ? "

She says : - " You're Not in, you're Not hard, and you're Not getting your money back !!! " ( 3/11/01 - Patrice )

* * *
Two men talking together...one says

-how many love's positions you know???

-j exactly don't know!!! several...but...and you???                    

-j used with my cute girl 68 positions...

-68... great... but why 68 ... why not more one???

-because 69 is to clear the tools up!!! (30/11/01 Patrice)

Mr. Smith got a new secretary. She was young, sweet and very polite. One

day when she was taking diction, she noticed his fly open. When she left

the room she said: "Mr. Smith your barracks door is open."

 

Mr. Smith didn't understand her remark. But later on he noticed his

zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his secretary. He

called her into the office and asked: "When you saw my barracks door

open, did you also notice a soldier standing at attention?"

 

She replied: "No sir, all I saw was a disabled vet sitting on two duffel

bags."

 

* * *

A young blonde came home from school and was heard by her mother reciting her homework:

 


"Two plus two, the son of a bitch is four; four plus four, the son of a bitch

is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a bitch--"

 


"Judi!" shouted her mother.  "Watch your language!  You're not allowed to use

swearwords like 'son of a bitch'".

 


"But, Mom," replied Judi, "that's what the teacher taught us, and she said to

recite it out loud till we learned it."

 

Next day Judi's mother went to school with her daughter and right into the

classroom to complain. 

 


"Oh, heavens!" said the teacher. "That's not what I taught them. They're

supposed to say, 'Two plus two, the sum of which is four.' "

 

* * *

Subject:     Medical Dictionary

 

 

     ANTIBODY: against everyone

     ARTERY: the study of fine paintings

     BACTERIA: back door to a cafeteria

     BENIGN: what you be after you be eight

     BOWEL: letters like A, E, I, O, or U

     CAESAREAN SECTION: a district in Rome

     CARDIOLOGY: advanced study of poker playing

     CAT SCAN: searching for ones lost kitty

     CAUTERIZE: made eye contact with her

     COMA: a punctuation mark

     CONGENITAL: friendly

     CORTIZONE: the local courthouse

     D & C: where Washington is

     DILATE: to live longer

     ENEMA: not a friend

     ER: the things on your head that you hear with

     FIBRILLATE: to tell lies

     GENES: blue denim slacks

     HEMORRHOID: a male from outer space

     IMPOTENT: distinguished, well known

     LABOR PAIN: hurt at work

     MINOR OPERATION: somebody else's

     ORGAN TRANSPLANT: what you do to your piano when you move

     PARALYZE: two far-fetched stories

     PATHOLOGICAL: a reasonable way to go

     PHARMACIST: person who makes a living dealing in agriculture

     PROTEIN: in favor of young people

     RED BLOOD COUNT: Dracula

     RHEUMATIC: amorous

     SECRETION: hiding anything

     TABLET: a small table

     TERMINAL ILLNESS: getting sick at the airport

     TIBIA: country in North Africa

     TRIPLE BYPASS: better than a quarterback sneak

     TUMOR: an extra pair

     URINE: opposite of "you're out"

     VARICOSE: very close

     VEIN: conceited

 

*   * *

Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and

suffering.

 

Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence.

 

Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves.  After marriage,

the 'Y' becomes silent.

 

* * *
A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about
tomorrow's final exam. She said there would be no excuses for
not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or
an immediate family member's death.
One smart mouth student said,
"What about extreme sexual exhaustion?"
and the whole classroom burst into laughter.
After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at 
the student, and said,
"Not an excuse, you can just write with your other hand."

* * *
A guy is suffering from severe headaches for years with no relief.
After trying all the usual cures he's referred to a headache
specialist by his family doctor.
The doctor asks him what his symptoms are and he replies,
"I get these blinding headaches; kind of like a knife across my
scalp and....". He is interrupted by the doctor, "And a heavy
throbbing right behind the left ear".
"Yes! Exactly! How did you know?" "Well I am the world's
greatest headache specialist, but I myself suffered from that
same type of headache for many years. It is caused by a tension
in the scalp muscles. This is how I cured it: Every day I would
give my wife oral sex. When she came she would squeeze her legs
together with all her strength and the pressure would relieve
the tension in my head. Try that every day for two weeks and
come back and let me know how it goes".
Two weeks go by and the man is back, "Well, how do you feel?"
the doctor asked. "Doc, I'm a new man! I feel great! I haven't
had a headache since I started this treatment! I can't thank
you enough. And, by the way - nice house !"

* * *

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